Wabi Sabi Christianity

I picked up a little book the other day called "The Invisible Church - A Journey into the Future of the UK Church".  I'm honestly not sure why I grabbed it other than it was very inexpensive and sounded kind of intersesting. 

It is in fact an interesting read, although at this point I would not yet consider it as being a must read, but then again, I'm only a quarter of the way through it so far.  But something did catch my attention while reading tonight.  The book is a fiction story in which the author plays the main character.  One night he is hit by lightning and finds himself transported 40 years into the future where the church as he (and we) know it in the UK has all but disappeared.  Each chapter tells the story of what he learns in this future and ends with a letter written by an individual who is back in our current time reading over the notes of the author regarding his trip into the future. 

At one point the person reviewing the author's account of his travels into the future is talking about how the early church met in homes and how in the UK many denominations can't afford some of these beautiful ornate buildings they own anymore because of dwindling congregations.  He brings up the Japanese concept of wabi-sabi.  This really caught my attention and I ended up googling wabi-sabi.  The basic concept is finding beauty in things that are simple, imperfect and humble, thing unconventional.  In the book and online wabi sabi is referenced as "a beauty of things imperfect, impermanent and incomplete." 

Maybe it is just because of my recent walk with the Lord and the fact that I'm part of what some might call a house church, but this concept really resonated with me.  I've grown more in my relationship with the Lord and with my church family since we began meeting in this way about 4 years ago than I ever did in "traditional" church.  Doing "church" for us is nothing fancy - we worship together, eat together, study God's Word together and pray together.  Our singing is many times off key and usually led by just a simple guitar.  Our prayers are often filled with long periods of quiet and are not usually what one would consider flowery or polished.  They are often brutally honest and filled with raw emotion.  We don't have a set structure per se.  We have a basic schedule we kind of follow but we are open to wherever the Holy Spirit chooses to lead us.  This means that if He shows up and leads discussion, worship or prayer in a particular direction we try to follow.  Sometimes we follow our "schedule" and other times we'll spend the majority of our time in worship or prayer if we feel His leading to do so.  We are becoming very honest with one another and learning to hold one another accountable.  We are honest and real with one another without taking offense.  We look to the Holy Spirit to be our guide and teacher. Jesus is our High Priest, our Pastor.  We do have an individual we see as our "elder" but our leader is Jesus.  We are far from having it figured out, but we are all united in our desire to pursue our God together and follow His leading the best we can.

So this concept of a wabi sabi church spoke to me.  People make up the church (the body of Christ) not a building, not traditions, not a denomination.  We are all sinful people and therefore imperfect and incomplete.  As I grow closer to the Lord, I'm beginning myself to see more beauty and meaning in simple things.  Jesus was not a flashy preacher who used a fancy sound system and colorful lights.  He was a simple carpenter who was humble and felt no need to use fancy advertising or marketing campaigns to draw people in.  He hung out with simple people and met them where they were.

As I get older I begin to be amazed at how we as humans make things so difficult.  I think many times things truly are much more simple than we make them.  I find it amazing how God and His Love for us can be so complex and yet so simple at the same time.

Bottom line for me?  I'm not saying that tradtional church, traditions, fancy buildings, sound systems, etc are bad, because they are not in and of themselves.  However, if we begin to focus on these things in such a way that our focus comes off of Jesus, then they are a stumbling block.  Even if our intentions are good and noble, they can derail us if we stop focusing on Jesus and following Him instead of our ideas of how things should work.  The concept of house churches can be a stumbling block if the focus becomes defending what we do and how we do it rather than on worshiping and pursuing our God.  In the end, I think I agree with the character in the book when he says at the end of one of his letters -

"I should like to see some wabi sabi worship; modest, humble, unconventional.  It would take place in wabi-sabi buildings; simple, domestic, ordinary.  And it would reflect perhaps, a wabi-sabi God; a God who delights in things imperfect, impermanent and incomplete, and who wants to bring them permanence, perfection and completeness."

Fruitcake & Ice Cream

I have my house to myself tonight - no kids, no husband - so I pulled out a DVD that I bought months ago called "Fruitcake and Ice Cream - An Unlikely Collision of Friendship and Grace".  In it Louie Giglio  shares the story of a young college student named Ashley and her "fruitcake" roomate.  With permission he shares this story by reading excerpts from Ashley's journal. 

Ashley was a typical college student in her final semester of college, trying to balance a life of partying and studying.  Events in her life have caused her to look for a new roommate and the girl who moves in with her is different from anyone she has ever known.  She is a fruitcake, a Christian.  Ashley's journal details her life over the semester and tells a powerful story of God's Grace.

At the beginning of the DVD Loui shares from 2 Corinthians 5 and how it talks about God's Grace.  He defines grace as being "God working".  God working, not us.  God working to do what we can not do.

He also explains in the talk about how those who claim to not believe in God, many times do this as a defense mechanism.  They think that God does not believe in them, so in order to protect themselves they choose to not believe in Him.  Wow - that really got me to thinking about how important it is for us to understand grace and be able to share that with others.  To really share God's Heart and His Love for us and for others with those who think He does not believe in them.

If you have a chance to watch this DVD I highly recommend it.  This is the most powerful story of grace I believe I have ever heard.  Even more so because the story is not being told from her perspective after the fact.  It is Louie actually reading her journal entries which she wrote during this period of time when she wanted nothing to do with a God who she believed had no time for her.  A period when she thought her new roommate was nothing but a Fruitcake.

268 Store Fruitcake & Ice Cream DVD
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Fear - Part 1: My Champion

I've been looking up verses regarding fear recently.   God is dealing with me on the issue of fear and how it affects my trusting Him.  One verse given to me was Deuteronomy 20:1-4.  At first I glanced over this verse, quickly dismissing it.  After all, it is all about going to war which doesn't apply to me - or so I thought.

The Lord drew me back to these verses and as I reread them He began to open my eyes.  Now these verses which I so recently dismissed, have become some of my favorites.

When you go to war against your enemies and see horses and chariots and an army greater than yours, do not be afraid of them, because the Lord your God, who brought you up out of Egypt, will be with you.  When you are about to go into battle the priest shall come forward and address the army.  He shall say: "Hear, O Israel, today you are going into battle against your enemies.  Do not be fainthearted or afraid; do not be terrified or give way to panic before them.  For the Lord your God is the one who goes with you to fight for you against your enemies to give you victory."  ~ Deuteronomy 20:1-4

So, how does this apply to us?  First, we are all in a battle, a war against the enemy and this world he currently controls.  We are constantly battling the temptations and lies of the world.  Sometimes, or many times, these circumstances of our lives may seem so large as to be impossible to defeat, but the Lord tells us to not be fainthearted or afraid.  He is the God who delivered us from Egypt.  "But wait!" you may say, "I've not been to Egypt.  God hasn't rescued me from there."  Oh, but He has, Beloved.  Egypt signifies our lives before Christ, our lives of slavery to sin, to the world.  He has rescued us from this!

Further in the verse it speaks of the priest who stands before the army.  He tells them to not be afraid and assures them of victory.  How does he know this?  How can he be so very confident?  How can we trust him?  We can be confident because our priest, our liaison between us and God is Jesus himself.  He stands confidently before us amidst all the circumstances of our lives and tells us not to fear because He knows the final chapter of this story.  We are victorious in Him!

The Lord pointed out one more small detail to me regarding these verses.  A small detail, easily missed, but with huge implications.  Read that last line again.

For the Lord your God is the one who goes with you to fight for you against your enemies to give you victory. (v.4)

The Lord is not just telling us we will be victorious, He is fighting for us to give us that victory.  I recently watched the new Alice in Wonderland movie.  In it the White Queen is looking for a champion to fight on her behalf against her sister, the Queen of Hearts.  This is how things used to be done.  The Kings (or Queens) did not fight, they were too valuable.  Instead they would choose a champion to fight on their behalf.  The fight between David and Goliath was such as this.  Goliath was the champion of the Philistines and David was King Saul's.

But our God likes to stir things up a bit.  His logic and ways of doing things many times fly in the face of the world.  You see, as the King of Kings, He doesn't call for a champion to fight on His behalf.  We are not called to be God's champions.  Instead, the King Himself chooses to be our Champion!  He is not saying "Trust me because you will win."   He is telling us "Trust me because I have already fought the battle on your behalf and gained the victory!"

If God, the Great I AM, the King of Kings, is our Champion, what more can we possibly ask for?  What could we possibly have to fear?

Gone for so long

Wow - it has been awhile since I've posted on any of my blogs.  A few reasons for that are... well, many of them honestly are just excuses.

Work has been crazy - we just acquired a new company and that has things a hopping for me right now.

Kids - of course, they are always keeping me on my toes.  Homeschooling two this year and trying to keep up on all that entails.  And then our middle child (5 year old) is starting t-ball.  Fun, fun, fun - and sooo entertaining.

Housecleaning - actually this one is not much of an excuse because to be honest I feel I'm barely even keeping my head above water.  I do the necessities such as dishes, keeping the living room and kitchen clean enough to avoid attracting unwanted varmits and I do laundry.  Although that does not always get folded and put away timely - there have been many mornings where you'll find the five of us digging through a large pile of clean laundry looking for something to wear!

Facebook - yes, I'm a bit ashamed to say this has been taking up some of my time, more than it should.  It is a wonderful tool for visiting with and sharing things about the kids with my family members who don't live where I do (almost all of them!)  However, there are a lot of distractions there too.  You have to be careful.  But the good news is as of today I have done some Facebook Spring Cleaning.  The "delete" button can be your friend.

Lack of journaling - But the biggest reason I have not been blogging much lately is because I have not been journaling.  I've found when I journal I'm more likely to post.  I have tons of ideas all the time for blog content on all of my blogs.  However, I've found if I don't journal, those ideas and thoughts rarely find their way onto my blogs. 

So, as of today I'm recommitting myself to journaling.  Whether it be things the Lord is revealing to me, things the kids are doing that make me laugh (or cry at times) or just random thoughts and ideas.  I will begin journaling more and blogging more.  I will no longer rely just only my short Facebook status updates to communicate with the online world.  (Of course my posts will show up on my FB profile page!)

I've often told people that for me writing and reading is like breathing.  I've not been doing as much of either as I'd like recently.  No wonder I feel so short of breath!

Waiting in His Love

I wanted to share today two songs that have become anthems for me right now.  The first is a song that became my song a few months ago.  David Crowder Band's "How He Loves Us".  And recently they put a video for it on You Tube.  Now if you are not familiar with David Crowder Band, please don't let their "look" fool you - these are a group of guys that love the Lord dearly and worship Him with abandon.

Here is their video for "How He Loves Us" on YouTube.

The second video is one that I saw for the first in October when we did our 30 Days Mind of Christ Experiment at SUM.  Dineen had posted the video.  I remember the song really touching me then.  It is from the movie Fireproof.  Recently a good friend of mine sent me this song thinking it was bring me some encouragment and hope.  I had completely forgotten about it.  So thank you Gina! 

I feel the Lord impressing this song upon me as well - "While I'm Waiting" by John Waller. 






Also, as I mentioned before, the Lord gave me Nehamiah 8:10 this year - The Joy of the Lord is my Strength!

So there you have it - my theme for 2010 - I will worship and serve the Lord while I'm waiting because He loves me dearly and His Joy is my Strength.

God's Ways (not Mine!)

God's timing is amazing - the way He will give you a word in so many different ways.  Isaiah has been popping up alot for me lately, so I've decided to start reading through.  In the past when I've tried to read this book it has honestly almost put me to sleep.  I just could not make head or tails of it.  But this time the Lord is speaking to me.

The other day Isaiah 55:8-11 popped up in a email from someone.  Then later that same day a good friend of mine gave me a late Christmas present.  A wonderful little devotional book called "Jesus Calling".  It is written in the first person, as if Jesus Himself is speaking to you each day.  As I read that day's devotion I KNEW the Lord was speaking to me through it.  The first words were "Approach this day with awareness of who is Boss!"  That is exactly what we were focusing on back in October when we did a series at SUM about putting God on the throne of our lives. 

It went on to say that if my plans for the day seem to be all falling apart, to look out for Him.  It just might be that He has something better planned for me and that I need to stay in close communication with Him.  Wow!  What a different way to think of a day that seems to just be going all wrong.

At the end two verses were given.  Jeremiah 29:11 and Isaiah 55:9-11.  I could go on and on, but I'll just let these verses speak for themselves.

Isaiah 55:8-11

"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your  ways my ways," declares the Lord.  "As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.

As the rain and the snow come down from heaven, and do not return to it without watering the earth and making it bud and flourish, so that it yields seed for the sower and bread for the eater, so is my word that goes out from my mouth: it will not return to me empty, but will accomplish what I desire and achieve the purpose for which I sent it."

After God's Own Heart Book Discussion

I am so excited and just have to share.  Just before the summer started I felt the Lord impressing upon me the desire to study David, specifically his heart and why God Himself called David a man after His own heart.

At one point I mentioned this to my house church and we decided as a group to pursue this.  We've spent the summer and fall reading through 1 Samuel and are starting 2 Samuel now.

Then I stumbled across a book by Mike Bickle called "After God's Own Heart".  After just the first few pages I knew this book was going to be used by God to change my entire perspective about God's Love for me and how to have a deeper and more intimate relationship with Him.

I've shared what I've been learning and some of the ideas from this book with friends at work.  Three of us decided to read this book together and discuss it as we go along.  We decided to open it up and throw out the idea to the entire building.  I pulled together a synopsis of the book, my reasons for doing the discussion and a couple reviews and sent an email.  Now we have ordered our books and should have them next week (I was reading a copy that belonged to a friend, but kept wanting to take notes in it so I figured I need my own copy anyway.)  We have 11 people who have committed to reading this book and meeting 2x a month to talk about what the Lord is revealing to us!  WOW!!!!  God is amazing and I think He is up to some pretty cool stuff this year.  I can't wait to find out what it all is!

Here is one of my favorite reviews of this book, which I found on the Forerunner Store website  -

WARNING: This book will warp your mind. Do not read it if you plan to live a normal life. It is dangerous. I use to be a normal Christian. But now I am ruined for anything else.  ~ Daniel Erwin

The Joy of the Lord is My Strength

Nehemiah 8:10 tells us the Joy of the Lord is our Strength.  I've heard this a hundred times and Chris Tomlin sings a song that I love that says this.  But until yesterday I never really stopped to think about what this means.  The JOY of the Lord is my strength.

The book I'm reading right now brought this to my attention last night as well as giving me an new perspective on the prodigal son story.

But first, let me ask you a question.  If you were told that tonight the Lord was going to meet you face to face and pronounce His Judgment on you, what would be your first reaction?  What feeling first pops to the surface for you?  Joy?  Or is it dread?

We are told He will search the deepest parts of our hearts.  When you think about Jesus staring into your eyes and seeing the depths of your heart and soul, do you squirm?  Do squirm out of excitement or fear?

I know my heart did a dive into the pit of my stomach when I first thought about this question.  But that is slowly changing.  Why?  Because I'm coming to realize I've always seen my God as being sad or mad in the past.  I know He is a loving and kind Father who forgives us, but that image of a scowling or disappointed God had not really left my thoughts.  So when I thought of facing Him in His throne room I immediately thought of Him examing all the things in my heart that are dark and bad.  I thought of Him going over all my failures.

But as I'm reading scripture I'm starting to realize God doesn't sit up there looking down on me with scorn, disappointment or even indifference.  He looks down on me with unconditional love and enjoyment!  I'm really starting to get this in my heart.  When He searches my heart he find at the deepest part of me that little "Yes" that is determined to follow Him and know Him no matter what it costs me.  No matter how many times I may fail on the way.  And that little teeny itsy bitsy "yes" makes him smile!  (And I'm smiling just writing this and thinking about it!)

I've always thought of the tale of the prodigal son as relating to unbelievers.  Those who don't know the Lord or you have walked away from the Lord.  And this is true.  But last night I started to see this story a bit different.  It is also a reflection of us who follow Him and fail along the way (and in case you're not up to speed yet - that is ALL of us!).  We react the same way as the prodigal.  When we get to the point where we finally admit we have failed and can't go it on our own in our own power and strength anymore, we come to Him on our knees and beg for any small position in His Kingdom.  We can't imagine doing anything other than laying out all our failures and begging Him to take us back.  But you know what He does?  He reaches down, wipes away our tears and engulfs us in the biggest bear hug ever!  He leaps and shouts for joy because we are there with him.  Even when we are at our lowest and weakest, covered in slop from living with the pigs - He looks on us with enjoyment and love.  He desires to gaze on us even when we are covered in filth!  Wow!

And what should I expect.  If I do believe the prodigal story is of someone coming to know Christ for the first time and God shouts for joy and calls for a celebration at that point, wouldn't He do even more so for someone who is sincerely trying to follow Him - even with all our stumbling?  Do I really think His love for me cools and dimishes over time? 

So last night as I heard the Lord speaking to me again saying "My Joy is your Strength" it took on new meaning for me.  I really started to consider what that meant.  What is God's Joy!?  When I am weak I can know that the Lord is looking down on me with love, desire and joy and that is what will hold me up and carry me through. 

Words can't even begin to express the Joy and happiness that fills me with those thoughts.  We truly do serve and AMAZING God!

As I've prayed over this upcoming year the Lord has impressed two words upon me.  Last year was a year of REVELATION - it was a time when the Lord began to reveal this great love He has for me.  He began to open my heart and mind to what this love really looks like and the true nature of it.  His true nature!  That will continue into 2010. 

However, He also impressed upon me the word SUBMISSION.  It is time for me to submit to the love the Lord has for me.  To finally accept it and realize His word is true.  He says He loves me unconditionally and I need to stop trying to put conditions on His love for me.  I need to realize there is nothing I need or even can DO to earn His love.  He gazes upon me with love and enjoyment in my weakness.  I need to understand this and accept it once and for all.  I need to gaze upon Him and His beauty instead of on me and how I can be worthy of His love because the bottom line is I'm NOT worthy of His love.  But that does not matter to Him one bit.  I'm His cherished daughter, the bride of His Son - Period!  End of Story!

Loneliness & Conversations with God

Yesterday morning I had a conversation with God.  A dear friend of my posted yesterday about healing.  She spoke of those of us who struggle with weight gain due to eating in times of stress etc.  She spoke of how things in our past have created bad habits in us and many times the reason why our failure to lose weight is because we are not addressing the root problem.  She spoke of how she has realized loneliness in her past had started bad habits for her regarding eating.

I've struggled for awhile now with my eating habits.  We ate very healthy growing up.  We grew our own vegtables and most of our meat even came from our own efforts rather than from the store.  I ate very little junk food or sugar growing up.  But I do remember sneaking sweets whenever I could and sometimes gorging myself if I had the chance until I was physically sick.  As an adult I've realized that I eat without even realizing I'm doing it at times. 

As I read my friend's post yesterday and she mentioned loneliness, it struck a chord.  I've always had self-esteem issues.  I've had many friends off and on in my life, but never really had any deep relationships with anyone, until recently.  And even now I don't have any of those deep relationships which I so desire.  I want to be myself with others and really let them get to know me, but I have a fear that if I do I will be judged.  So even when I'm transparent with others, there is still something that I'm holding back.  Parts of me I'm not revealing, not because I'm a private person, but out of fear.

Even my posts on my blogs are reserved compared to what I'd like to post.  I want to be transparent and let the Lord use my words to help others.  But I have probably 5 times the number of posts in my head than what ends up on here.  The reason for not posting?  Fear.  Fear of what others will think and the loneliness that will follow as others pull away from me.

As I sat getting ready for my day yesterday, pondering this I began to talk to the Lord.

Me:  God, why did you make me this way?  I have so many weaknesses that I just can't seem to get past.  I want to follow you, to love you and give you my entire life.  However, these weaknesses hinder me.  I could do so much more for you, be so much more productive if you had just created me with more strength, more confidence.  If you had not given me these weaknesses, or allowed them to develop in my life I could accomplish so much for Your Glory.

God's still small voice:  Angela, beloved, in your weaknesses, my Strength shines all the brighter.

Me: But Lord, I can't make these changes on my own.  I've tried and I just keep failing.  I need you to transform me.  I'm so lonely, even surrounded by so many people in my life.  I need you to change me, to comfort me, to drive out this loneliness.  To help me get past all these insecurities in my life that hold me back.

God's still small voice: That's what I've been waiting for, my child.  That is all you ever had to do, just to ask me instead of striving yourself.  Be still, rest in Me.  That is all you need to do.  Focus on my love for you, your identify is in Me.  I will take care of the rest.

Gazing on His Beauty

Awhile back I had the desire to study the life of David. Specifically his heart, since he is described by God Himself as being a man after God's own heart.  The more I journey down this path with the Lord the more I desire to have that type of relationship with Him.

As I read about David and his relationship with God, I realize the key to having a heart after God's is to understand God's Heart.  The more I understand how passionately He loves me, even in the midst of all the "junk" in my life - the more I will begin to love Him.  The more I will desire to spend time in His presence and to follow Him.

For too long I've allowed my perfectionist tendencies to drive me to try to be righteous and holy.  The problem with this is I am focuing on myself instead of Christ.  I've focused on being a "good" christian for so long and when I've stumbled I've focused on how much of a failure I was because of it.  I've heard for so long how I need to focus on Jesus and not myself, that God loves me no matter what.  But it was not until this last week that this finally clicked for me!  I've been preaching this concept to others but without realizing it I was not living it myself.  I was still focusing on my failures and running from God when I failed instead of running to Him.  I was still focused on my efforts to be "good" for God, trying to earn His love.  A love that is greater than I can even begin to imagine and which is already wholly mine - no strings attached!

Now, instead of expending so much energy on being a "good" christian I want to spend my efforts gazing upon God, understanding His emotions and His love.  The rest will happen naturally as I fall more and more in love with this amazing, awesome God who loves me.

Remember your first love?  The giddy feelings?  How you wanted to know as much as possible about the person and could not stop thinking about them.  How your heart would flutter everytime you saw them.   Remember how when they expressed their love for you, it would increase your love towards them?  Our relationship with God is to be like this, but soo much more.  And more permanent.  It is not a fleeting feeling that fades after a few months when we get to know each other.  There is always more to learn about God and His love for us.  There is always something new to inspire us.

That is how I've been feeling lately.  I've been giddy with excitement for no apparent reason.  I'm excited to spend time in His Word, praying, worshiping and just sitting in His Presence.  I crave it and run after it.  I want more! 

Do you feel that way about your Lord and Savior?  If not, ask Him to begin to reveal His heart to you.  Ask Him to show you His beauty and to give you understanding of how great is His love for you.  How passionately He pursues and woos you.  Ask Him to give you more understanding of Psalm 27, to truly place this desire deep within your heart.

Psalm 27:4
One thing I ask of the Lord; this is what I seek:  that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, to gaze upon the beauty of the Lord and to seek Him in His temple.

One book I'm reading right now that I recommend to anyone who wants to take this journey is "After His Own Heart" by Mike Bickle.  I leave you now with a quote from this book:

"The heart of God is a wonderland, a universe of beauty like no place mankind could dream up.  All beauty on earth is merely a reflection of Him..."