Monday, December 27, 2010

My Big Dream - What's the problem?

A dear friend of mine recently sent me a book called "The Dream Giver".  The first part of the book is written as an allegory or a parable.  It is about Ordinary, a Nobody who lives in the Land of Familiar.  He decides to leave one day to follow his Big Dream.  I love "Pilgrim's Progress" and Randy Alcorn's "Edge of Eternity" so I quickly read the first part of the book.

The second part turns the story to focus on you and your journey to your  Big Dream.  The Big Dream that our Creator put into our hearts even before we are born.  This is where I put the book down and it gathered dust for a couple of months.

However, that little red book caught my eye again on a particularly dreary day in my life.  I began reading it again and with that I began asking myself a few questions.  Questions like...
  • Has YHVH put a Big Dream in me?
  • If yes, what is it?  Can I even begin to identify it?
  • If I can, why haven't I been pursuing it?  What is holding me back?
In the book, the author,  Bruce Wilkinson, lists the most common reasons he hears people give for no longer pursuing their Big Dream.  Honestly, none of them really resonated with me so I began to really start digging.  I know what my dream is.  It has changed a bit over the years, but it is still the same dream.
"Your Dream may not look quite the same as it did years ago.  But the essence of the Dream - the tug of longing you feel to do what God made you to do - is still there."
I've always wanted to write.  When I was young it was to become rich and famous.  As I got older it was just to support my family by doing something I enjoyed.  Now my dream is to write to honor my Adonai by helping others, even if it does not yield so much as a penny.

I've pursued my dream half-heartedly at times.  Sometimes I've pursued it with all my energies for a short time.  I've attended writer's conferences when I was still a child and even as recently as when I was pregnant with my youngest child.  But I have always ended up backing off.  Why?

Those are the questions I started digging into, looking for brutally honest answers. 

1. Time - I am a wife and a mother of three young children.  I work full-time outside the home to support my family.  I can barely keep up with basic housecleaning at times.  I'm happy if the clothes and dishes are washed (mind you washed, but not necessarily put away!).  If my floors are cleaned often enough to avoid attracting rodents I am satisfied.  When am I going to find time to seriously pursue writing!?  Even this post has been bouncing around in my head for days before I found time to sit down and type it out!  

2.  Guilt - A part of me feels that to truly pursue my Big Dream I would have to put my family second to it.  I already struggle with meeting my expectations of what it means to be a good wife and mother.  Pursuing my dream would mean falling even further from the mark of being a devoted and loving wife and mother.  It would be selfish of me to pursue my dream now that I have others in my life depending on me.  Or is this just another excuse?  A wonderful seemingly selfless excuse to cover up my next two, not so selfless reasons? 

3.  Too much work / Too hard - This is the excuse I hate, the one that makes me cringe.  The one I did not want to write down, but if I am going to be brutally honest I need to include it.  Bottom line - I'm lazy.  It is one of the things about myself that I hate.  Writing takes a lot of work, a lot of research and at the end of the day I'm exhausted and don't want to put in the time and effort.  It makes me wonder if I really want this Big Dream.  Seriously - I've always thought that those who really understand the importance of something and really want it will pursue it at all costs.  They will sacrifice all for it.  Am I willing to do that?

4.  Failure - I'm not good enough.  I will fail and others will mock my attempts.  I remember at a young age telling an adult I respected that I wanted to grow up to be a writer.  This well-meaning person proceeded to tell me how I needed to decide to do something more practical because if I pursued a writing career I would most likely be poor and starve.  So although I have always dreamed of writing and have always journaled and dabbled in writing, I pursued a career as an Accountant.  It is something I am good at and I enjoy it most of the time - but it is not my Dream.  Now that my dream has progressed from wanting fame and riches to helping others, I would have thought this fear would decrease.  After all, if I'm not looking to make money off my writing, there should be no fear of rejection, right?  So wrong!  I fear I don't know enough to truly help others.  I don't have enough knowledge or experience under my belt.  I fear that what I write, although well intentioned, will mislead others.  What if I fail them?  What if I fail my Adonai?

As I finished the latest chapter in this book, something caught my attention.  Bruce talks about Moses and how his life can give us three insights:

1.  A Big Dream always seems overwhelming at first.
2.  Ultimately, a Big Dream is aimed at meeting a Big Need in the world.
3.  While you still have breath, it's never too late to act on your Dream!

So there it is - my brutal honesty about my Big Dream.  I decided to share it here in order to hold myself accountable.  Ironic that I'm writing about my Big Dream of writing and why I've not really pursued it before.  Maybe, this will be the start of my journey.  My journey of one Ordinary Nobody pursuing her Big Dream to become the Somebody that YHVH intended for her to be.  A dream He placed in her heart as He was forming her in her mother's womb. 

Maybe...

(To be continued...?)

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Thankful in Trials

Dineen wrote an amazing post today over at Laced with Grace called "Thankful for Trials?".  Please take a moment to visit the site and read what she wrote.  I can personally attest to the truth behind what she wrote.  The Lord has proven Himself so very faithful in these things in the past weeks for me and I pray everyone I know will one day learn what He has revealed to me recently - how to be thankful, to praise Him and to trust Him in the midst of whatever I am walking through. 


Psalm 57:1-2
(Complete Jewish Bible Translation)

Show me favor, God, show me favor;
for in you I have taken refuge.
Yes, I will find refuge in the shadow of your wings
until the storms have passed.
I call to God, the Most High,
to God, who is accomplishing his purpose for me.

Sunday, September 12, 2010

Intentional Marriage & Advice to Younger Self

Lynn and Dineen over at SUM have just started a new project called Intentional Marriage.  I highly recommend checking out the post on SUM introducing this and watching the video that Lynn did for the first month.  I had the opportunity to watch it live, and it was wonderful. 

Each month Lynn & Dineen will tape a new video which can be watched live or as an archived video.  In addition, they will have a meme each month that viewers can participate in. 

This month the meme is to give advice to our younger selves - specifically on our wedding day.  Advice regarding what we've learned over the years of being married that we wish we had known on our wedding day.

I will be participating each month in the meme on my Thankful Heart blog, which is my blog dedicated to marriage.  Check out this month's post here - Advice to My Younger Self.

Saturday, June 12, 2010

Ephesians 1:1-14, In Christ

Verse 3 of the first chapter of Ephesians talks about us being blessed with every spiritual blessing in Christ.  I found this interesting, these are not just blessings that we are given, we are given them in Christ.  Through verse 14 Paul talks about a handful of things that are ours in Christ.  So I decided to go through the verses and take notes on these things:

In Christ (Ephesians 1:1-14)
  1. We have been given every spiritual blessing in heaven.
  2. He chose us before the world was made
  3. God made us His own children
  4. God freely gave His grace to us
  5. We are set free from sin by His blood, we are given grace
  6. God let us know His secret purpose for us (see also 1 Corinthians 2:7)
  7. God joined all things in heaven and earth together
  8. We were chosen to be His people
  9. God put His seal, His special mark on us (Holy Spirit)

Thursday, June 10, 2010

Ephesians 1 - Blessings & Prayers

Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in the heavenly realms, with every spiritual blessing in Christ. ~ Ephesians 1:3
As I read the first chapter in Ephesians, verse 3 stands out to me.  We are blessed in the heavenly realm with spiritual blessings.  I began to dig further - what are these blessings?  As I continued to read I jotted these down:

BLESSINGS:
  • He chose us to be holy & blameless in His sight.
  • He predestined us to be adopted through Jesus Christ
  • He freely gives us His glorious grace (because He loves us!)
  • We have redemption through His blood
  • We have forgiveness of our sins
  • He lavishes us with all wisdom and understanding
  • He marked us in Him with a seal, the Holy Spirit.  This is our deposit, our guarantee of our inheritance!
In addition, Paul writes about prayers that he has for the Church of Ephesus.  Prayers that I truly believe the Lord has for us, even now in this day and age.

PRAYERS FOR US:
  • Spirit of Wisdom and Understanding: This is God's desire, that we have revelation of Him so we may know Him better.
  • Eyes of our hearts enlightended:  As we receive more wisdom and revelation of God and who He is, our hearts will begin to understand the hope that He has called us to.
    • Riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints
    • Incomparably great power for us who believe
  • Power:  Incomparably great power - I love this.  He has a mighty power that He wants to give each of us access to through Him.  This is the exact same power that -
    • raised Christ from the dead
    • seated Christ at His right hand in the heavenly realms - far above all rule, all authority, all power and dominion, far above every and any title ever given or which will ever be given!  It is the power that puts all things under Christ's feet and makes Christ head over everything for the Church/His Body.
As I read over this chapter, looked over my notes and prayed, a few things came to mind for me.
  • God has spiritual blessings for each of us, but we must draw them out by pursuing God through prayer.
  • Everyone needs prayer, even the best of Christians.  When we hear of the needs of other Christians, we should pray for them, lift them up to the Lord in prayer.  Paul continually prayed for other Christians and he continually asked for the prayers of others.  None of us is above the need for prayer and none of us is above the requirement to lift up our brothers and sisters in Christ.  Paul prayed for other Believers while he was in prison and being abused.  None of us are ever in such need ourselves to where we should think only of ourselves and not take the time to pray for others.
  • We can only get to know the Lord more through His mighty power.  Jesus is the One who supplies us with everything we need, so the more we pursue Him, the more spiritual blessings we receive.
  • No matter who powerful those around us or the circumstances around us may seem, we need to remember that when we pursue God we have access to His power which is greater than any other.

Tuesday, June 08, 2010

Ephesians 1: God chose Me!

While studying the Armor of God, I recently dug up some old notes I took a few years ago when I studied Ephesians with my home church.  In with these notes I have quite a bit regarding Ephesians 1 which I want to share with you over the next week or so.  I was greatly encouraged while re-reading these notes and pray that you are as well.
v. 3 Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in the heavenly realms with every spiritual blessing in Christ.
Reading this verse it struck me that the blessings we receive are not just physical, as in material blessings of this world which we often think of in regards to blessings.  This verse is telling us we are not only blessed here on earth, but we are already blessed in the heavely realms - with spiritual blessings - which we have because of Christ and who we are in Christ.
v. 4-6 For he chose us in him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in his sight.  In love he predestined us to be adopted as his sons through Jesus Christ, in accordance with his pleasure and will - to the praise of his glorious grace, which he has freely given us in the One he loves.
God choosing me has absolutely nothing to do with me.  He chose me not only before I was born, but also before the world was created.  He did it for His glory and He took pleasure in doing this for me.  I am NOT a burden to Him.
v. 7-9  In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God's grace that he lavished on us with all wisdom and understanding.  And he made known to us the mystery of his will according to his good pleasure, which he purposed in Christ.
God does not make mistakes.  He chose me to redeem and show His grace to, even though He had full knowledge and insight of what that would mean and how I would react (how unfaithful I could be).  Once again it speaks of the pleasure He takes in revealing Himself to me and His plan for the future.

God takes pleasure in Me, just the way I am.  He takes pleasure in watching me grow in Him.
v. 10 to be put into effect when the times will have reached their fulfillment - to bring all things in heaven and on earth together under one head, even Christ.
Remember God's final plan in everything - to bring everything under His Son, Jesus.  Through everything God wins, there is no question regarding this.
v. 11 - 14  In him we were also chosen, having been predestined according to the plan of him who works out everything in conformity with the purpose of his will, in order that we, who were the first to hope in Christ, might be for the praise of his glory.  And you also were included in Christ when you heard the word of truth, the gospel of your salvation.  Having believed, you were marked in him with a seal, the promised Holy Spirit, who is a deposit guaranteeing our inheritance until the redemption of those who are in God's possession - to the praise of his glory.
We have been chosen not only to be redeemed, but also to have an inheritance.  We were given a seal to mark us as God's - the Holy Spirit!  "A deposit guaranteeing our inheritance" until Jesus returns when we will come into our inheritance and we will bring God glory.
v 17 - 19  I keep asking that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious Father, may give you the Spirit of wisdom and revelation, so that you may know him better.  I pray also that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints, and his incomparably great power for us who believe.  That power is like the working of his mighty strength.
This is beautiful and this is the cry of my heart - to be given the Spirit of Wisdom so I can know the Lord better, so I can grow in my relationship with Him.  To shine a light on the eyes of my heart so I know the Hope He has for me, the inheritance He has set for me.  There is great power working in us.  The same power that raised Christ from the dead and placed Him higher than anything in this world or anything to come.
Stay tuned - more to come...

Thursday, June 03, 2010

Worth Fighting For Blog

I came across this blog today and felt it was worth sharing with my friends.  This is a blog written by four teenagers who are taking a stand for unborn children in our world who do not have a voice of their own.  I found this site so inspiring, not only because of the stand they are taking but because they are the young people who will soon be the leaders of our world.  I thank God that we have young people who are willing to stand for His Truths and are not ashamed to do so.

Please take a moment to visit this blog - Worth Fighting For

In particular this post caught my eye - a poem written by a friend of one of the teenagers who writes for this blog and ministry.  Worth Fighting For: The Time for War

Tuesday, June 01, 2010

Spiritual Warfare

"There is something in human nature that just doesn't want to face the reality that we live in two worlds. We live in the physical, material world where we have jobs, read books, and go about our business. And we live in a spiritual world - and that is a world at war." ~ John Eldredge

I am a huge Ted Dekker fan. He is an amazing writer with a wide variety of books, however all of them have a common theme. God's love for us and the battle of good and evil in our world. I just happened to pick up a book yesterday that I purchased quite awhile ago but have not yet gotten to. It is called "Adam". As I read the opening pages I realized this book is about spiritual warfare. The quote above and one other I'll list below are at the beginning of the book and at the end they have an dialogue between Ted Dekker and John Eldredge about Spiritual Warfare that is very interesting. I started to read it and then realized it probably has some spoilers for the book, so I'll go back to it later.

But in the meantime a couple things struck me. It sounds like this book goes really deep into spiritual warfare, to the point of demon possession possibly. However, Ted wrote this book to make a point. He says many of his readers are in their mid twenties or younger and don't know much at all about Satan. Christians now days don't want to face the reality of a real personal evil that works in this world. Many believe evil is a just a general force in the world, not real and personal.

This is not to say that we can blame everything on Satan because the reality of it is, we are sin ridden creatures. We cause enough damage on our own. But to live your life in ignorance of the spiritual battle that rages around you is no better than believing everything you do bad is because the devil made you do it.

One thing to be very aware of is that the armor of God we've been talking about is what protects us as Believers. We can't fight these forces in our own power, we MUST have the protection of God. However, keep in mind that those in our lives who are not Believers, do not have this protection. They are wide open for the enemy to attack and many times use to try to trip us up.

The writers of the New Testatment many times warned the churches of not only the sin and evil in their own flesh, but of the spiritual evil that dwelt amoung them that they needed to be aware of and ready to fight. To them it was a given that the Believers of that time were in a spiritual battle. We've lost this awareness in our time for the most part.

There's a thief, and he comes to steal, and kill, and destroy. But I have come that you may have life and have it to the full. - John 10:10

Be on your alert. Your enemy, the devil, prowls around like a roaring lion waiting for someone to devour. Resist him, firm in the faith, knowing that your brothers around the world are undergoing the same thing. - 1 Peter 5:8-9

One last quote from Ted Dekker regarding the book Adam:

"This whole novel boils down to these two truths. First, evil is real. Satan and the demons are aggressively arrayed against all Christians, all the children of God, all those who were formed in the image of God. And second, the only way to defeat all the forms of darkness in your own life is through the light of Jesus Christ." ~ Ted Dekker

Monday, May 31, 2010

Armor of God (Ephsians 6:10-18) Establishment of Armor

Now that we've looked at the different pieces of armor and what they mean to us, it is helpful to understand exactly how do we put on this armor.  Knowledge alone does not do us much good.  Throughout these verses we are called to be active

v. 10:  be strong,
v. 11:  put on...take your stand
v. 13:  put on...be able to stand...to stand
v. 14:  stand firm
v.16:   take up the shield
v. 17:  take the helmet...
v. 18:  and pray in the Spirit, be alert...always keep praying

As Believers there are three of the pieces of armor that we already have on.  These are established by our position in Christ.  These are referenced in past tense within the verses.
  1. having girded - belt - Truth
  2. having put on - breastplate - Righteousness
  3. having shod - shoes - Readiness/Peace
The protection of these pieces is made possible when we receive Christ.  We are being commanded in these verses to stand firm in these areas/items.

The last three items - shield, helmet and sword - we are told to take up (as in we don't necessarily already have them).  These three items help us to continue to win the battle.

A few additional items that may help in understanding each of these pieces of armor and how to don and wield them.

Breastplate - God justifies us with His Righteousness.  The enemy will often tell us, "You are not good enough to be a Christian."  My answer is, "That does not matter." 

Romans 8:33 - Who will bring a charge against God's elect?"  - I am God's elect!

We are in Christ, so we are already forgiven.  We are the righteousness of God in Christ

2 Corinthians 5:21 - God made him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God.

To confess (homologeo) means to acknowledge or agree.  As Believers we don't confess to be forgiven, we are already forgiven.  We confess in order to clear the way for the fruitful expression of righteousness in our daily lives.

Shoes - Peace/Unity
In the Body of Christ, common doctrine is not the basis for fellowship; common heritage is.  We are all children of God.  I've found some of the brothers and sisters in Christ who I've come to depend on and trust the most are the ones who I see eye to eye with the least in regards to doctrine.  That is okay, we are still part of the same body and love one another.

Helmet - Salvation
I am a child of God, and nothing can separate me from the love of Christ (Romans 8:35)

People experiencing spiritual conflict tend to question their salvation or doubt their identity in Christ.  I know, I for one have struggled with this alot in the past.  I've often thought of myself as being a "fake Christian" and thought fellow Believers were able to see right through me and see me for the fraud I was.  This was a lie from the enemy to keep me from being effective for the Lord.  As long as I was worried about whether I was truly saved and concerned with how other Believers saw me, I was not able to focus on God and the battle at hand.

Sword - Word/Spirit
In this verse Paul uses rhema instead of logos for word.  "Spoken Word" is what this means.  Why is this important?  Satan is a created being and does not know exactly what we are thinking.  He can make some pretty good guesses at times, but he can not read our thoughts as God can.  This is important for two reasons:
  1. When rebuking the enemy, especially when using Scripture as Jesus did, do so out loud.  The enemy can't hear your thoughts, so you need to speak the Word of God against him out loud, just as Jesus did when he was tempted.
  2. Your unspoken communion with God is your private sanctuary.  The enemy can not eavesdrop on you.
We are in a battle, Beloved and the enemy would like nothing better than for us to be unprepared.  In order to fully understand the battle we are in and the protection we have through God's armor, we must first learn to run to God and lean on Him.  The more we pursue Him, the more we will understand and be able to stand in His Power to defeat the enemy. 

I recommend reading all of Ephesians to better understand who God is and who you are in Him.  I'll be adding more from the previous chapters in Ephesians soon.  I believe this is critical because without understanding who you are in Christ, the armor does not fit correctly.  Incorrectly fitting armor leaves gaps for the enemy to sneak in and deal some devastating blows.

Saturday, May 29, 2010

Armor of God (Ephesians 6:10-18) - The Armor

At the time when the letter to the Ephesian church was written, they would have been very familar with Roman soldiers and the armor they wore.  Below are notes on each piece of armor and how important they were to the Roman soldier wearing them and how this relates to us in our battle.

One note before I start though - don't only individualize the armor.  As a church body we need to do this together and cover one another when needed.  Paul wrote this to the church, not just the individuals in the church.  We are Christ's body.

There are six pieces of armor mentioned in these verses:
  • Two Offensive weapons: shoes and sword
  • Three Defensive weapons: breastplate, shield and helmet
  • One neutral weapon: belt
Let's talk about each piece now:

Belt (Truth)
The first thing put on by a soldier was his belt.  It held all the solidier's necessities (swords, arrows, rations, etc).  It was held/tied on in many places to keep it on straight no matter what the soldier did (run, climb, fall, etc).  If this was not put on correctly the soldier would not be efficient in battle and could loose his life.  In Roman times a tight belt menat the soldier was ready for battle.

The Truth of God's Word is what "holds" us all together while we fight.  It must be the first thing we put on every day.  We have no foundation on which to stand in our warfare with the enemy without God's Truth. 

I'm currently going to the Truth Project and the question came up the first session - What is Truth?  The answer:  God's perception of reality.  This is because our perception is always tainted.  God is Truth!

Breastplate (Righteousness)
This piece as attached to the soldier's belt, anchored to the belt by leather passed through rings on the bottom.  It was located above the belt and anchored by the belt.  This protected the soldier's heart which is the organ responsible for sending blood through the soldier to keep him alive.

If our hearts are not right with God, our spiritual lives will begin to die.  If we walk in the righteousness of God we have a defensive weapon to use against the slanderous accusations and outrageous strategies of the enemy.  Righteousness is right thinking and doing right.  We are able to do this only through God's strength, by His Truth (the belt).

Shoes (Readiness/Peace)
A soldier's shoes had spikes on the soles which provided them a strong stance and balance when fighting, especially on uneven ground.  (In martial arts the stance is one of the most important things and is what is practiced first.)  Many historians believe these shoes are one of the greatest reasons why the Roman army was so victorious.

The Peace of God will enable us to stand firm with our feet planted firmly on the Word of God.  We will be unmoved by the devil's threats, even when we are in the rough places of life.

Shield (Faith)
Roman soldiers had long, rectangular shields that reached from their knees to their chins.  It protected them from arrows and spears and could be knelt behind when the enemy shot arrows.  Groups of soldiers could get close together to make a huge circle to protect the group from fiery arrows.

The shield represents the faith in the believer in the promises of God.  The value of faith is not in the believer, but in the person whom the faith is in (God).  This faith comes from hearing the Word of God (Romans 10:17).  God is the one who fights for us and protects us.  The more we know Him and His Word the greater our faith and therefore the larger our shield (protection)!

Helmet (Salvation)
Romand had the best helmet in the ancient world.  Other nations used cloth, animal hides, bones or hooves.  The Romans had a chin strap, a visor and covered the back and sides of the neck.  They had a leather lining to be comfortable and so they would fit well.  The soldier's helmets were made of bronze cast and the officers had helmets made of iron alloy.  A well designed helmet will protect you from various angles of attack.

The greatest battefield with the enemy is in our minds.  One key area is our assurance of our salvation.  The enemy wants us to doubt this.

Philippians 4:8:  Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.

We need to guard or minds, the thoughts we dwell on, because this is where we can start to walk away from God.  We must have a clear mind to be discerning in all situations.  We can only do this by immersing ourselves in God's Word and in prayer.

Sword (Spirit/God's Word)
This was a two-edged sword which could inflict more damage than any other sword.  It only had to penetrate 2 to 3 inches to be fatal.  Because of the two edges it was considered to be a very deadly and powerful weapon.

The Word of God is like a deadly sword blow to the enemy.  When we speak God's Word according to His Will, there is no power in the universe that can withstand it.  When Jesus was tempted in the wilderness he quoted His Father's Words with authority.

In the book The Final Quest by Rick Joyner, he speaks of climbing the mountain of God while fighting the enemy.  He no longer needs the sword because the enemy is too far away and he is fighting with arrows now.  But he knows he does not want to get rid of it.  He knows this would not be wise.  So he drives the sword into the ground and tied himself to it to anchor himself to the mountainside.  God's Word should also be used to anchor ourselves to God.

Armor of God (Eph 6:10-18) - Introduction

We have begun to discuss spiritual warfare at 1Peter3 and of course these verses have popped up as part of our conversations.  A few years back my house church went through the book of Ephesians together and we spent a good deal of time on these verses.  I've dug up my notes from my studies on the verses back then and thought I would share them in a series of three posts.

Introduction  - my prelminary notes regarding things that stood out while reading the verses

The Armor - when this example was given to the Ephesian Church they would have been very familar with the Roman soldiers of the day and the armor that they wore.  There is a lot to learn and understand about the Armor of God when we better understand the different pieces of the Roman soldiers armor and the reasons behind each piece.

The Establishment of the Armor - not only is it important to understand the purpose of the armor, it is important to understand how we obtain each of these pieces of armor.

Armor of God - Introduction
Ephesians 6:10-18

The first verse regarding the armor of God says "be strong in the Lord and in His mighty power".  We are being told that we are not strong on our own, we are to take action (be strong), but we are not to do it ourselves.  Our strength comes from God and His power, not ours.

Verse 11 continues by telling us to "put on the full armor".  We need to put it ALL on, not just certain items.  The words "full armor" are repeated again in verse 13.

We need to remember through all of this that people are NOT our enemies.  This is very easy to forget.  Verse 12 tells us that our struggle is not against flesh and blood but against spiritual forces.  We've heard this many times, but we often loose sight of this as we go about our daily lives.  This is exactly what the enemy wants.  If we are busy fighting other people, hating them and becoming bitter towards them, we won't be able to effectively use God's strength and power to fight him and his forces.



Ephesians 6:10-18

10Finally, be strong in the Lord and in His mighty power.  11Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes.  12For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.  13Therefore, put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.  14Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, 15and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace.  16In addition, to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one.  17Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.  18 And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests.  With this in mind, be alert and always keep praying for all the saints.

Friday, May 28, 2010

Friendship with a Jealous God

This week was the final week of our Friendship with God series at SUM.  Below are links to Lynn and Dineen's posts this week - I highly recommend reading them.  I love both of these women dearly and have been honored to be part of this series.  It has been an amazing experience.

I Am THAT Woman by Lynn

Show Me Your Glory, Lord by Dineen



For thou shalt worship no other god:
for the Lord, whose name is Jealous, is a jealous God.
Exodus 34:14


Names mean something, especially in the Kingdom of God. As you read through God’s Word, notice how often we are told the meaning behind the different names people give to their children. God even tells the parents in some instances what they are to name their children. And in some cases He changes a person’s name to represent something significant in their lives. Abram meant “high father” in Hebrew, but when God made a covenant with Abram and promised him to be the father of many nations, He changed his name to Abraham which means “father of many.” Jacob meant “supplanter” however later in his life when he wrestled all night with the angel of the Lord in order to receive a blessing, the Lord changed his name to Israel which means “God contended” or “he struggles with God”.

I have a bookmark that I use frequently which lists the different names of God and what they mean. The names of God are important because they reveal to us His Character. Anything in this world that is good, is good because it is consistent with His Nature and Character. Anything that is evil or wrong is so because it contradicts the very nature of God.

One name of God that I’ve discovered recently though is not listed on my bookmark – El Qanna. That is the word used in Exodus 34:14. God is telling us not only is He a jealous God, but His very name means Jealous. This posed a problem for me the first time I put much thought into it. We’ve been taught that jealousy is wrong. In fact, further down in the Ten Commandments, which this verse is a part of, it specifically talks about coveting what is not yours – being jealous! So then how can one of God’s names (El Qanna) mean Jealous? How can He be named Jealous when jealousy is wrong and we know that anything that is wrong is so because it contradicts the very nature of God?

Read more here

Friday, May 21, 2010

Friendship with an All-Knowing God

Below is an excerpt and link to my third submission as a guest poster at S.U.M. this month for the series Friendship with God.  I've also include a link to a post written by Dineen this week for the series.  These are all wonderful and it is amazing how God is working through each of us to create one cohesive series.  We truly serve an Amazing God!

Friendship through Confession



In my first post for this series I mentioned that one of the keys to any friendship is not only knowing the other person, their character, desires and emotions, but also in revealing your own heart to them. Friendship with God is no different. In fact, in order to truly begin to understand Him and His emotions we must first open ourselves up to Him and allow Him to change us. This is done by pouring out our hearts to Him. However, you may wonder, if God is omniscient, why do we need to pour out our hearts to Him? He already knows our desires, emotions, and character. In fact, He probably knows our heart even better than we do, so why go through all the effort? Isn’t it redundant?


Read more here

Friendship with God: David's Example of Beholding

Below is an excerpt and link to my post last week for the Friendship with God series at S.U.M.  I apologize for being negligent in keeping up here.  I'm linknig below to other posts last week in the series written by Lynn and Dineen.  I recommend checking them all out!  I will add another post with this week's articles later tonight.

Weekend Devotion - Friendship of God

Friendship with God Through Worship



Awhile back, a good friend of mine asked me a question that I came across again recently in a book I’m reading. I want to pose it to each of you today. Please be very honest with yourself. You don’t have to share your answer with me. My purpose is not to know your secret thoughts. But I will share some of mine with you, on the off chance that some of you share in these same thoughts.

Imagine for just a moment that you were told by a reliable source that tonight you were going to meet Jesus face-to-face and He was going to judge you – He was going to reveal the deepest parts of your life and your heart – what is the first feeling that overcomes you? Is it fear or excitement?

I’ve been on a David quest for almost a year now, or more accurately a quest for David’s heart. He is described in Scripture as being a man after God’s own heart. God Himself, describes David in this way. What made him so special? Sure he was a mighty king and ruler of Israel, but he was also a royal mess up at times. I want to know what it was about Him that caused God to look upon him and describe him in such a way, despite his failures. I want a heart like that. I want to hear my Creator one day introduce me to the hosts of heaven as “Angela, a woman after my own heart”.

Read more here

Friday, May 07, 2010

What's the big deal about Friendship? (Guest Writer at S.U.M.)

I've been asked to be a guest contributor at S.U.M. for the month of May.  Our series this month is Friendship with God.  Today was my first contribution to this series.  Below is an excerpt and a link to the full article.

If you like this please check out the other posts made by Lynn and Dineen this past week.

Friendship with God - The Journey Starts Now
posted by Lynn - Friday, April 30th

Friendship with God: Come Just As You Are
posted by Dineen - Tuesday, May 4th



A few days after Lynn asked me to be part of this series, I was having lunch with two of my friends at work when the subject of friendship came up. One of the ladies began to share how she’s never had any really close friends and how she often does not feel like she truly belongs in any group of which she is a part. As the two of us listened we had tears in our eyes. I’d like to say it was just tears of compassion, but in reality it was also tears of empathy because both of us knew exactly what she was talking about. We both felt the exact same way but had never had the courage to voice our feelings. This lunch was a turning point in the friendship the three of us share and I’m thankful my friend was willing to share her heart with us.

This conversation got me to thinking about how many of us, especially women, crave a deep intimate friendship with someone, but seem to not be able to ever really find it. We begin to wonder what is broken within ourselves to keep others at such a distance. Or is the problem with everyone else, why don’t they understand us? Why can’t we find that kindred spirit that understands us, loves us and accepts us – the good, the bad and the ugly? Why can’t we find that special friend who we can pour our hearts out to, share our hopes and dreams with? Someone we can be ourselves with, someone with whom we can let down our guard?

To read more click here

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Wabi Sabi Christianity

I picked up a little book the other day called "The Invisible Church - A Journey into the Future of the UK Church".  I'm honestly not sure why I grabbed it other than it was very inexpensive and sounded kind of intersesting. 

It is in fact an interesting read, although at this point I would not yet consider it as being a must read, but then again, I'm only a quarter of the way through it so far.  But something did catch my attention while reading tonight.  The book is a fiction story in which the author plays the main character.  One night he is hit by lightning and finds himself transported 40 years into the future where the church as he (and we) know it in the UK has all but disappeared.  Each chapter tells the story of what he learns in this future and ends with a letter written by an individual who is back in our current time reading over the notes of the author regarding his trip into the future. 

At one point the person reviewing the author's account of his travels into the future is talking about how the early church met in homes and how in the UK many denominations can't afford some of these beautiful ornate buildings they own anymore because of dwindling congregations.  He brings up the Japanese concept of wabi-sabi.  This really caught my attention and I ended up googling wabi-sabi.  The basic concept is finding beauty in things that are simple, imperfect and humble, thing unconventional.  In the book and online wabi sabi is referenced as "a beauty of things imperfect, impermanent and incomplete." 

Maybe it is just because of my recent walk with the Lord and the fact that I'm part of what some might call a house church, but this concept really resonated with me.  I've grown more in my relationship with the Lord and with my church family since we began meeting in this way about 4 years ago than I ever did in "traditional" church.  Doing "church" for us is nothing fancy - we worship together, eat together, study God's Word together and pray together.  Our singing is many times off key and usually led by just a simple guitar.  Our prayers are often filled with long periods of quiet and are not usually what one would consider flowery or polished.  They are often brutally honest and filled with raw emotion.  We don't have a set structure per se.  We have a basic schedule we kind of follow but we are open to wherever the Holy Spirit chooses to lead us.  This means that if He shows up and leads discussion, worship or prayer in a particular direction we try to follow.  Sometimes we follow our "schedule" and other times we'll spend the majority of our time in worship or prayer if we feel His leading to do so.  We are becoming very honest with one another and learning to hold one another accountable.  We are honest and real with one another without taking offense.  We look to the Holy Spirit to be our guide and teacher. Jesus is our High Priest, our Pastor.  We do have an individual we see as our "elder" but our leader is Jesus.  We are far from having it figured out, but we are all united in our desire to pursue our God together and follow His leading the best we can.

So this concept of a wabi sabi church spoke to me.  People make up the church (the body of Christ) not a building, not traditions, not a denomination.  We are all sinful people and therefore imperfect and incomplete.  As I grow closer to the Lord, I'm beginning myself to see more beauty and meaning in simple things.  Jesus was not a flashy preacher who used a fancy sound system and colorful lights.  He was a simple carpenter who was humble and felt no need to use fancy advertising or marketing campaigns to draw people in.  He hung out with simple people and met them where they were.

As I get older I begin to be amazed at how we as humans make things so difficult.  I think many times things truly are much more simple than we make them.  I find it amazing how God and His Love for us can be so complex and yet so simple at the same time.

Bottom line for me?  I'm not saying that tradtional church, traditions, fancy buildings, sound systems, etc are bad, because they are not in and of themselves.  However, if we begin to focus on these things in such a way that our focus comes off of Jesus, then they are a stumbling block.  Even if our intentions are good and noble, they can derail us if we stop focusing on Jesus and following Him instead of our ideas of how things should work.  The concept of house churches can be a stumbling block if the focus becomes defending what we do and how we do it rather than on worshiping and pursuing our God.  In the end, I think I agree with the character in the book when he says at the end of one of his letters -
"I should like to see some wabi sabi worship; modest, humble, unconventional.  It would take place in wabi-sabi buildings; simple, domestic, ordinary.  And it would reflect perhaps, a wabi-sabi God; a God who delights in things imperfect, impermanent and incomplete, and who wants to bring them permanence, perfection and completeness."

Monday, April 05, 2010

Fruitcake & Ice Cream

I have my house to myself tonight - no kids, no husband - so I pulled out a DVD that I bought months ago called "Fruitcake and Ice Cream - An Unlikely Collision of Friendship and Grace".  In it Louie Giglio  shares the story of a young college student named Ashley and her "fruitcake" roomate.  With permission he shares this story by reading excerpts from Ashley's journal. 

Ashley was a typical college student in her final semester of college, trying to balance a life of partying and studying.  Events in her life have caused her to look for a new roommate and the girl who moves in with her is different from anyone she has ever known.  She is a fruitcake, a Christian.  Ashley's journal details her life over the semester and tells a powerful story of God's Grace.

At the beginning of the DVD Loui shares from 2 Corinthians 5 and how it talks about God's Grace.  He defines grace as being "God working".  God working, not us.  God working to do what we can not do.

He also explains in the talk about how those who claim to not believe in God, many times do this as a defense mechanism.  They think that God does not believe in them, so in order to protect themselves they choose to not believe in Him.  Wow - that really got me to thinking about how important it is for us to understand grace and be able to share that with others.  To really share God's Heart and His Love for us and for others with those who think He does not believe in them.

If you have a chance to watch this DVD I highly recommend it.  This is the most powerful story of grace I believe I have ever heard.  Even more so because the story is not being told from her perspective after the fact.  It is Louie actually reading her journal entries which she wrote during this period of time when she wanted nothing to do with a God who she believed had no time for her.  A period when she thought her new roommate was nothing but a Fruitcake.

268 Store Fruitcake & Ice Cream DVD
Amazon.com Fruitcake & Ice Cream

Thursday, April 01, 2010

Fear - Part 1: My Champion

I've been looking up verses regarding fear recently.   God is dealing with me on the issue of fear and how it affects my trusting Him.  One verse given to me was Deuteronomy 20:1-4.  At first I glanced over this verse, quickly dismissing it.  After all, it is all about going to war which doesn't apply to me - or so I thought.

The Lord drew me back to these verses and as I reread them He began to open my eyes.  Now these verses which I so recently dismissed, have become some of my favorites.

When you go to war against your enemies and see horses and chariots and an army greater than yours, do not be afraid of them, because the Lord your God, who brought you up out of Egypt, will be with you.  When you are about to go into battle the priest shall come forward and address the army.  He shall say: "Hear, O Israel, today you are going into battle against your enemies.  Do not be fainthearted or afraid; do not be terrified or give way to panic before them.  For the Lord your God is the one who goes with you to fight for you against your enemies to give you victory."  ~ Deuteronomy 20:1-4

So, how does this apply to us?  First, we are all in a battle, a war against the enemy and this world he currently controls.  We are constantly battling the temptations and lies of the world.  Sometimes, or many times, these circumstances of our lives may seem so large as to be impossible to defeat, but the Lord tells us to not be fainthearted or afraid.  He is the God who delivered us from Egypt.  "But wait!" you may say, "I've not been to Egypt.  God hasn't rescued me from there."  Oh, but He has, Beloved.  Egypt signifies our lives before Christ, our lives of slavery to sin, to the world.  He has rescued us from this!

Further in the verse it speaks of the priest who stands before the army.  He tells them to not be afraid and assures them of victory.  How does he know this?  How can he be so very confident?  How can we trust him?  We can be confident because our priest, our liaison between us and God is Jesus himself.  He stands confidently before us amidst all the circumstances of our lives and tells us not to fear because He knows the final chapter of this story.  We are victorious in Him!

The Lord pointed out one more small detail to me regarding these verses.  A small detail, easily missed, but with huge implications.  Read that last line again.

For the Lord your God is the one who goes with you to fight for you against your enemies to give you victory. (v.4)

The Lord is not just telling us we will be victorious, He is fighting for us to give us that victory.  I recently watched the new Alice in Wonderland movie.  In it the White Queen is looking for a champion to fight on her behalf against her sister, the Queen of Hearts.  This is how things used to be done.  The Kings (or Queens) did not fight, they were too valuable.  Instead they would choose a champion to fight on their behalf.  The fight between David and Goliath was such as this.  Goliath was the champion of the Philistines and David was King Saul's.

But our God likes to stir things up a bit.  His logic and ways of doing things many times fly in the face of the world.  You see, as the King of Kings, He doesn't call for a champion to fight on His behalf.  We are not called to be God's champions.  Instead, the King Himself chooses to be our Champion!  He is not saying "Trust me because you will win."   He is telling us "Trust me because I have already fought the battle on your behalf and gained the victory!"

If God, the Great I AM, the King of Kings, is our Champion, what more can we possibly ask for?  What could we possibly have to fear?

Monday, March 08, 2010

Gone for so long

Wow - it has been awhile since I've posted on any of my blogs.  A few reasons for that are... well, many of them honestly are just excuses.

Work has been crazy - we just acquired a new company and that has things a hopping for me right now.

Kids - of course, they are always keeping me on my toes.  Homeschooling two this year and trying to keep up on all that entails.  And then our middle child (5 year old) is starting t-ball.  Fun, fun, fun - and sooo entertaining.

Housecleaning - actually this one is not much of an excuse because to be honest I feel I'm barely even keeping my head above water.  I do the necessities such as dishes, keeping the living room and kitchen clean enough to avoid attracting unwanted varmits and I do laundry.  Although that does not always get folded and put away timely - there have been many mornings where you'll find the five of us digging through a large pile of clean laundry looking for something to wear!

Facebook - yes, I'm a bit ashamed to say this has been taking up some of my time, more than it should.  It is a wonderful tool for visiting with and sharing things about the kids with my family members who don't live where I do (almost all of them!)  However, there are a lot of distractions there too.  You have to be careful.  But the good news is as of today I have done some Facebook Spring Cleaning.  The "delete" button can be your friend.

Lack of journaling - But the biggest reason I have not been blogging much lately is because I have not been journaling.  I've found when I journal I'm more likely to post.  I have tons of ideas all the time for blog content on all of my blogs.  However, I've found if I don't journal, those ideas and thoughts rarely find their way onto my blogs. 

So, as of today I'm recommitting myself to journaling.  Whether it be things the Lord is revealing to me, things the kids are doing that make me laugh (or cry at times) or just random thoughts and ideas.  I will begin journaling more and blogging more.  I will no longer rely just only my short Facebook status updates to communicate with the online world.  (Of course my posts will show up on my FB profile page!)

I've often told people that for me writing and reading is like breathing.  I've not been doing as much of either as I'd like recently.  No wonder I feel so short of breath!

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Waiting in His Love

I wanted to share today two songs that have become anthems for me right now.  The first is a song that became my song a few months ago.  David Crowder Band's "How He Loves Us".  And recently they put a video for it on You Tube.  Now if you are not familiar with David Crowder Band, please don't let their "look" fool you - these are a group of guys that love the Lord dearly and worship Him with abandon.

Here is their video for "How He Loves Us" on YouTube.

The second video is one that I saw for the first in October when we did our 30 Days Mind of Christ Experiment at SUM.  Dineen had posted the video.  I remember the song really touching me then.  It is from the movie Fireproof.  Recently a good friend of mine sent me this song thinking it was bring me some encouragment and hope.  I had completely forgotten about it.  So thank you Gina! 

I feel the Lord impressing this song upon me as well - "While I'm Waiting" by John Waller. 






Also, as I mentioned before, the Lord gave me Nehamiah 8:10 this year - The Joy of the Lord is my Strength!

So there you have it - my theme for 2010 - I will worship and serve the Lord while I'm waiting because He loves me dearly and His Joy is my Strength.

Sunday, January 24, 2010

God's Ways (not Mine!)

God's timing is amazing - the way He will give you a word in so many different ways.  Isaiah has been popping up alot for me lately, so I've decided to start reading through.  In the past when I've tried to read this book it has honestly almost put me to sleep.  I just could not make head or tails of it.  But this time the Lord is speaking to me.

The other day Isaiah 55:8-11 popped up in a email from someone.  Then later that same day a good friend of mine gave me a late Christmas present.  A wonderful little devotional book called "Jesus Calling".  It is written in the first person, as if Jesus Himself is speaking to you each day.  As I read that day's devotion I KNEW the Lord was speaking to me through it.  The first words were "Approach this day with awareness of who is Boss!"  That is exactly what we were focusing on back in October when we did a series at SUM about putting God on the throne of our lives. 

It went on to say that if my plans for the day seem to be all falling apart, to look out for Him.  It just might be that He has something better planned for me and that I need to stay in close communication with Him.  Wow!  What a different way to think of a day that seems to just be going all wrong.

At the end two verses were given.  Jeremiah 29:11 and Isaiah 55:9-11.  I could go on and on, but I'll just let these verses speak for themselves.

Isaiah 55:8-11
"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your  ways my ways," declares the Lord.  "As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.

As the rain and the snow come down from heaven, and do not return to it without watering the earth and making it bud and flourish, so that it yields seed for the sower and bread for the eater, so is my word that goes out from my mouth: it will not return to me empty, but will accomplish what I desire and achieve the purpose for which I sent it."

Saturday, January 16, 2010

After God's Own Heart Book Discussion

I am so excited and just have to share.  Just before the summer started I felt the Lord impressing upon me the desire to study David, specifically his heart and why God Himself called David a man after His own heart.

At one point I mentioned this to my house church and we decided as a group to pursue this.  We've spent the summer and fall reading through 1 Samuel and are starting 2 Samuel now.

Then I stumbled across a book by Mike Bickle called "After God's Own Heart".  After just the first few pages I knew this book was going to be used by God to change my entire perspective about God's Love for me and how to have a deeper and more intimate relationship with Him.

I've shared what I've been learning and some of the ideas from this book with friends at work.  Three of us decided to read this book together and discuss it as we go along.  We decided to open it up and throw out the idea to the entire building.  I pulled together a synopsis of the book, my reasons for doing the discussion and a couple reviews and sent an email.  Now we have ordered our books and should have them next week (I was reading a copy that belonged to a friend, but kept wanting to take notes in it so I figured I need my own copy anyway.)  We have 11 people who have committed to reading this book and meeting 2x a month to talk about what the Lord is revealing to us!  WOW!!!!  God is amazing and I think He is up to some pretty cool stuff this year.  I can't wait to find out what it all is!

Here is one of my favorite reviews of this book, which I found on the Forerunner Store website  -

WARNING: This book will warp your mind. Do not read it if you plan to live a normal life. It is dangerous. I use to be a normal Christian. But now I am ruined for anything else.  ~ Daniel Erwin

Sunday, January 03, 2010

The Joy of the Lord is My Strength

Nehemiah 8:10 tells us the Joy of the Lord is our Strength.  I've heard this a hundred times and Chris Tomlin sings a song that I love that says this.  But until yesterday I never really stopped to think about what this means.  The JOY of the Lord is my strength.

The book I'm reading right now brought this to my attention last night as well as giving me an new perspective on the prodigal son story.

But first, let me ask you a question.  If you were told that tonight the Lord was going to meet you face to face and pronounce His Judgment on you, what would be your first reaction?  What feeling first pops to the surface for you?  Joy?  Or is it dread?

We are told He will search the deepest parts of our hearts.  When you think about Jesus staring into your eyes and seeing the depths of your heart and soul, do you squirm?  Do squirm out of excitement or fear?

I know my heart did a dive into the pit of my stomach when I first thought about this question.  But that is slowly changing.  Why?  Because I'm coming to realize I've always seen my God as being sad or mad in the past.  I know He is a loving and kind Father who forgives us, but that image of a scowling or disappointed God had not really left my thoughts.  So when I thought of facing Him in His throne room I immediately thought of Him examing all the things in my heart that are dark and bad.  I thought of Him going over all my failures.

But as I'm reading scripture I'm starting to realize God doesn't sit up there looking down on me with scorn, disappointment or even indifference.  He looks down on me with unconditional love and enjoyment!  I'm really starting to get this in my heart.  When He searches my heart he find at the deepest part of me that little "Yes" that is determined to follow Him and know Him no matter what it costs me.  No matter how many times I may fail on the way.  And that little teeny itsy bitsy "yes" makes him smile!  (And I'm smiling just writing this and thinking about it!)

I've always thought of the tale of the prodigal son as relating to unbelievers.  Those who don't know the Lord or you have walked away from the Lord.  And this is true.  But last night I started to see this story a bit different.  It is also a reflection of us who follow Him and fail along the way (and in case you're not up to speed yet - that is ALL of us!).  We react the same way as the prodigal.  When we get to the point where we finally admit we have failed and can't go it on our own in our own power and strength anymore, we come to Him on our knees and beg for any small position in His Kingdom.  We can't imagine doing anything other than laying out all our failures and begging Him to take us back.  But you know what He does?  He reaches down, wipes away our tears and engulfs us in the biggest bear hug ever!  He leaps and shouts for joy because we are there with him.  Even when we are at our lowest and weakest, covered in slop from living with the pigs - He looks on us with enjoyment and love.  He desires to gaze on us even when we are covered in filth!  Wow!

And what should I expect.  If I do believe the prodigal story is of someone coming to know Christ for the first time and God shouts for joy and calls for a celebration at that point, wouldn't He do even more so for someone who is sincerely trying to follow Him - even with all our stumbling?  Do I really think His love for me cools and dimishes over time? 

So last night as I heard the Lord speaking to me again saying "My Joy is your Strength" it took on new meaning for me.  I really started to consider what that meant.  What is God's Joy!?  When I am weak I can know that the Lord is looking down on me with love, desire and joy and that is what will hold me up and carry me through. 

Words can't even begin to express the Joy and happiness that fills me with those thoughts.  We truly do serve and AMAZING God!

As I've prayed over this upcoming year the Lord has impressed two words upon me.  Last year was a year of REVELATION - it was a time when the Lord began to reveal this great love He has for me.  He began to open my heart and mind to what this love really looks like and the true nature of it.  His true nature!  That will continue into 2010. 

However, He also impressed upon me the word SUBMISSION.  It is time for me to submit to the love the Lord has for me.  To finally accept it and realize His word is true.  He says He loves me unconditionally and I need to stop trying to put conditions on His love for me.  I need to realize there is nothing I need or even can DO to earn His love.  He gazes upon me with love and enjoyment in my weakness.  I need to understand this and accept it once and for all.  I need to gaze upon Him and His beauty instead of on me and how I can be worthy of His love because the bottom line is I'm NOT worthy of His love.  But that does not matter to Him one bit.  I'm His cherished daughter, the bride of His Son - Period!  End of Story!