Intentional Marriage & Advice to Younger Self

Lynn and Dineen over at SUM have just started a new project called Intentional Marriage.  I highly recommend checking out the post on SUM introducing this and watching the video that Lynn did for the first month.  I had the opportunity to watch it live, and it was wonderful. 

Each month Lynn & Dineen will tape a new video which can be watched live or as an archived video.  In addition, they will have a meme each month that viewers can participate in. 

This month the meme is to give advice to our younger selves - specifically on our wedding day.  Advice regarding what we've learned over the years of being married that we wish we had known on our wedding day.

I will be participating each month in the meme on my Thankful Heart blog, which is my blog dedicated to marriage.  Check out this month's post here - Advice to My Younger Self.

Love Dare

A group that I'm part of just finished going through the Love Dare. Part way through I decided to go out and buy the book for myself. I think this book can be an amazing tool for marriage and even daily living and your relationship with God. It can be applied to more than just your marriage. I've decided I want to make this more than just a 40 Day Dare though. I want to spend more than one day on each dare, so I think this is going to be more like a 120 day dare for me. In addition, I think it is something that would be a great reminder once or twice a year.

So, I'm going to start this book again on my own giving each dare a few days to sink in and become a normal part of my daily life. In addition, I'm going to start two other things:

1. A journal to my beloved husband. Ideally, I pray one day I can give this to him and he can read it (and I hope cherish it). For now, it will be a way for me to record the next 120 or so days as I do this dare. To really express to him how I'm feeling about the dares, how much I love him and anything else that I believe should be shared.

2. Blog - I'm going to blog some of my thoughts for each dare on my Thankful Heart blog. So if you are interested in how these dares can change a marriage, a life - please visit me. I'll be as transparent as I can without sharing things that I believe should be just between my beloved and I.

Call to Prayer - 90 Days - Prop 8 & Marriage

Yesterday (March 5th) was the California Supreme Court heard oral arguments regarding three lawsuits regarding Proposition 8 which passed last November in this state. I know many were praying and fasting yesterday and even the days leading up to the hearing.

Please don’t stop. Now starts a 90-day period for the court to make a decision regarding what they heard yesterday. Please continue in prayer these next 90-days that those making these decisions will be influenced by the Spirit of God.

Lou Engle has called the church to prayer not only for this state, but for this nation:

“Pray for these judges that the hand of God will influence their minds and hearts, that the fear of the Lord would fall upon them, and that dreams would invade their world, their wives, their children, and their innermost thoughts. Pray that God would restrain principalities and powers that have mustered their forces of demons to seize this nation through this door in California. Pray for an unprecedented outpouring of the Spirit in California and America. Pray that God would raise up righteous leaders and bring down the unrighteous ones. Pray for the cleansing of sexual compromise and divorce in the church so that she can reclaim spiritual authority. Finally, pray that the love of God would be poured out on those struggling with homosexuality across this nation. Oh that the power of God, the power of the gospel, would be released again to free the captives!”

Please continue to intercede for this state, this nation and the leaders of both over the next few months.

Encouraging Post-Election Posts

I've been surfing the web a bit tonight to see what is out there after last night's election results. Here are some of the more noteworthy posts I've come across:

Laced With Grace: Winning and Losing
Great post about Winning and Losing as compared to the Kingdom of God

BlogMommas: Call to Prayer


Eternal Perspectives: It’s Over; but It’s not Over (one Day it will be)


Spiritually Unequal Marriage: Thankful Thursday - A Win for Marriage


The Preacher's Wife: It's What We Do With Disappointment

New Blog - Thankful Heart

I've started a new blog which I've added to my sidebar - below is my opening post, please consider joining me as I begin this new journey . . .

Thankful Heart

At the time that I'm starting this blog, I am part of an unequally yoked marriage. In the past I have used this as an excuse for playing the part of the "poor me" wife with a husband who does not understand me or love me the way that he should. I was wrong!

I had expectations for my poor husband that could not even have been lived up to by a man fully committed to following Christ, let alone one who does not have a relationship with Christ. I was focused on who my husband was not instead of focusing on all the wonderful things that he is. Even worse, I was putting myself up as a sort of martyr. It never crossed my mind that I might be failing him as much as I believed he was failing me.

This past year has been really rough on our marriage, but through all of this the Lord has started to show me what love is really all about. He has begun to instill deep within my heart true unconditional love. Along with that He has shown me some pretty ugly things about myself. I'm realizing that while I may have some very good reasons to be offended by my husband and his behavior at times, insisting on standing by these "rights" of mine will only lead to the destruction of my marriage.

For one, I'm not really any better and in some cases I'm worse. I've given my dear husband many reasons to be offended by me. And my hateful attitude towards him because of his behavior (regardless of how much I may be deserving to be upset) will not draw him closer to me or to the Lord.

My prayer in starting this blog is to begin to nuture a thankful heart within myself. I want to be a beautiful "young" bride for my husband who makes him feel respected, admired and loved unconditionally. I want to be lovely in his eyes again. I'm realizing by doing this not only will I win my husband's devotion and love, but I will be honoring the Lord as well.

It seems like everything I have been led to this year has pointed to one thing only, everything is about Love and Relationships -that is all that matters in the end. If we can figure this out, everything else will fall into place. So this blog is my journey to begin to live this out in my life and in my marriage.

Fireproof - my movie recommendation

This last week, my husband and I went to see the movie Fireproof. We had someone buy us the tickets and offer to watch the kids. He was not too interested in it, but when you have three small children at home you don't pass up a FREE date! I on the other hand was looking forward to seeing it.

He had said he was going to fall asleep during the movie - however he did not. In fact he even laughed at a couple parts. I admit the movie started out looking a bit "B"ish but you soon forget that. However, when you consider that the actors in the movie were all volunteers for the most part - you have to definitely give it props. Here is an article I came across about how the movie got started. It really is very encouraging. Fireproof has unexpected success

I must admit I was surprised - there was a couple parts where I was on the edge of my seat biting my nails (or squeezing my poor husband's knee!) And there were some parts where both of us were just cracking up! And then there were the parts where the tears just flowed down my face!

I highly recommend the movie to everyone, whether you are married or not. It was really good and had an awesome message. It shows that you can deal with some very real issues (pornography, infidelity, etc) in a movie without becoming graphic. But most of all it communicates a very important Truth about Love, marriage and a relationship with Christ. I for one walked away feeling a deeper love for Christ and a deeper love for my husband and our marriage.

Most of the movies that I've purchased have been children movies. I can probably count the non-kid movies I own on one hand. However, when this comes out on video I will definitely be adding it to my very small collection. And I think I might just have to go check out that "Love Dare" book now too.

Shaun even liked the movie - last night a couple had come down and was playing darts with us and asked what we had seen. Shaun told them that it was definitely a "God Movie" but he said it was actually pretty good. That is actually a pretty good recommendation from him!

I also recommend checking out the Fireproof My Marriage site.

Prop8 and Education

Opponents of Prop 8 will tell you that the Supporters of Prop 8 are lying about the effect on education if this is not passed.

Many sites (including mine) have pointed out what has happened in Massachusetts where parents are being told they not only can't opt-out their children from homosexual and same sex marriage discussions/indoctrination, but that they have no right to have a say in what their children are taught. Opponents will tell you that California will not be like that because we have a right to opt-out in this state, supposedly Massachusetts did not have this.

So - how do you know who is telling the truth? You don't have to look far because what the Opponents of Prop8 say will not happen here, has in fact already begun.

Class Surprises Lesbian Teacher on Her Wedding Day
A class of 1st graders went on a field trip to their lesbian teacher's wedding. Now from what I've read, in this case the children were required to get permission slips, however in order to justify the field trip as being academically related it was deemed as a "teachable event".

"It really is what we call a teachable moment," Jaroflow said, noting the historic significance of same-sex marriage and related civil rights issues. "I think I'm well within the parameters."

So much for those who say homosexual lifestyles are not discussed in the school, especially at such a young age (opponents of Prop8 claim this as well as many blog commenters who insist on calling those of us who support Prop8 liars!)

However, even more disturbing is the following story:

School Holds Surprise Gay Day for Kindergartners
A "Coming Out Day" was held today at this school in California (not far from Sacramento). Other events include celebrating Gay and Lesbian History Month and observing "Ally Week" which usually targts high school students.

Even more disturbing is the fact that the school did not see the need to inform any of the parents of these events. They have confirmed the events are taking place, but they are not listed on the public calendar! How are parents supposed to "opt-out" as we keep being told we have the right to do in California if we are not being informed of what our children are being taught! Click on the link above and read the full article yourself!

Regardless of how you feel about same-sex marriage, this country has a freedom of religion right. As parents we have a right (and a God-given duty) to teach our children morals.

Even if for some reason you don't believe that I have a right to teach my children morals - it can not be denied that the claims of the Prop8 opponents that this will not affect our children's education are lies. It is already affecting our children's education and being pushed down our throats. In the words of San Francisco mayor Gavin Newsom - "The door's wide open. It's going to happen whether you like it or not!" - Well Gavin, not if I can help it!

When Children Pray

On Fridays, my daughter's homeschool co-op has a class for the 1st - 3rd graders called "Praying for the Nations". Each week they learn about a new country and pray for the people in that country. So far, they have learned about and prayed for Afghanistan, Iran & Israel.

Beginning this week, the children will be praying for the US and the upcoming elections. They will be doing this every week until the end of the elections at which time they will start praying for other nations again.

The mother who leads this class has asked each of us to speak to our children regarding the issues for the upcoming elections. Tonight I spoke with my daughter about the candidates a little bit. I did not tell her at first who I was planning to vote for, we just talked about some of the issues and where they stood on these issues. I also spoke to her a little bit about other things that I'll be voting on next month other than the Presidential candidates.

Tonight we focused quite a bit on abortion and Prop 8. I had to pray in advance about how to speak to my 7 year old about these two issues, but I was able to explain them at her level. We were able to talk about these two issues and God's view on both of these. This also led to us discussing sin and how God dislikes sin, but still loves us - even when we sin.

I highly encourage everyone to speak to your children about these things. It is amazing how much they actually grasp and some of my daughter's comments warmed my heart. Our nation is in desparate need of intercessors right now. Praying for our nation, our leaders and the elections has been a burden on my heart for awhile. What better way to teach my daughter about repentence, intercession and prayer than to have her pray with me for this.

Also, I truly believe that God has a special fondness for the prayers of children. They are able to come to Him with a trust and faith that we adults have trouble expressing. When children pray, God leans down from Heaven to hear their sweet voices.

Fireproof Movie

I've recently heard about this movie and wanted to know if anyone had seen it yet? It just came out in theaters last week. It looks like it could be really good. I've included a widget below that includes a link to the trailer. If you have seen the movie or heard anything about it I would love to hear your comments.

Attack on Marriage

Many of you have probably heard about how California (where I currently live) as of June 17th has made it legal for homosexual couples to marry. A few years ago the voters had voted down this same thing and it is going to be on the ballot again this fall. However, we have a couple of judges who have decided they know best and they have basically said "Who cares what the voters say, we are going to overrule it all!"

Lynn at Spiritually Unequal Marriage did a post on this a few days ago that is really good. I recommend you take a few moments to read it - What is in Your Camp? - It IS indecent

After reading her post, the comments others posted regarding her post and reflecting on things I've been seeing and experiencing in my own life and the lives of those dear to me I realized something.

The Enemy is determined to destroy marriage. God gave us marriage as a gift, a beautiful thing to be shared between a man and a woman in which they can begin to experience the relationship the Lord wants with each of us. The Enemy hates that, so he is going to twist this gift as much as possible so we miss the true meaning behind it.

This legalization of gay marriage is not the only way he is attacking marriage. This is just the most recent way he has been doing it. Unfortunately, many of us are so focused on just this one thing that we don't realize as Christians we have in many ways accepted other ways he has set out to destroy marriage. Having and raising a family outside of wedlock, living together when not married, have sexual relations outside of marriage and having affairs has become common in our society. In some cases these things are even considered normal and perfectly acceptable.

Then even if we do recongize these things are distortions of God's true gift, we become judges with no compassion. We start to attack the people who are being deceived by the Enemy instead of loving them and just hating the sin. To be honest this is a hard concept to get and even harder to live out. But with God's help we can do it.

I'm asking that you join me. Not only in becoming politically active to try to turn around our country, but more importantly to join me on my knees. Cry out to the Lord to show us how to take back our country, our world while still showing compassion for those who are being deceived. Those who the Lord loves deeply, who the Enemy is currently deceiving. Help us to see what marriage is really about, a true picture of marriage through God's eyes.

Unfortunately right now, the church's view of marriage is not all that different from the world's view. Our track record is just as bad as those who do not attend church. If we cannot "get it" how can we expect the world to understand what we are trying to tell them? Do we each love our spouses the way the Lord wants us to love them? Do we really understand this gift the Lord has given to us. Are we living it out the way He wants us to? I know if I am honest, I have a lot to learn still and I am far from being an example to the world of what the Lord's gift should look like.

Unrealistic Expectations

I recently read something that referred to romance novels and soap operas as being the female version of porn. That got me to thinking. I've never been much into soap operas (they move too slowly for me) but I must admit I've been drawn into the "evening" version of soap operas. I've not read what would be considered traditional romance novels for quite some time now, but I do read the "softer" (if you will) romance novels.

Many times in the last few weeks the discussion of the differences between men and women has come up in various ways. The main theme has been that a man's way of showing love is through sex. He needs sex to express his love, if you will. On the other hand, women tend to need the love and romance in order to express their sexual desires. We are both looking for the same thing in the end, we just come at it from opposite sides. Which is what leads to so many misunderstandings in marriages regarding sex.

To make matters worse, the world seems to not only condone, but actually encourages things to make our expectations unrealistic in regards to love and marriage. Our already difficult relationships become impossible when we have expectations of our spouse that are not possible.

For men, this tends to be pornography. Some people may say it does not harm anyone. However the Lord has been very clear that sex is a gift for marriage that is to be shared between a husband and wife. Pornography is bringing someone else into that act. Sure it is not a real person of flesh and blood, however that is often worse. Viewing pornography and the resulting fantasies create the idea of the "perfect" woman in a man's mind. Not only physically, but also emotionally and relationally. No human woman can ever live up to these expectations. Not only is bringing pornography into your marriage disrespectful to your wife, it is unfair to her and yourself.

Now for the flip side of things. While I mentioned that men's focus is on sex, a woman tends to focus on romance. While pornography sets unrealistic expectations in a husband's mind regarding his wife, romance novels and soap operas create unrealistic expectations in a wife's mind about how her husband should be treating her. These things make us think that our man should always be romantic, always be ready to sweep us off our feet and cause those butterflies in our stomachs. They should always be able to take our breath away with a look.

In both cases, these expectations are created because we are focusing on what our spouse should be doing for us to make us happy. It is making the assumption that love is a feeling you have for that other person. The butterflies for us women, the lustful feelings in our husbands. Love is NOT a feeling. Love is a choice we make everyday. It is easy to love someone in the good times, when they look their best and are focused on doing things for us. But real love is making a choice every morning to love that person laying in bed beside you whose hair is all messed up, has bad breath and has not even acknowledged you as they grumpily get up to get ready for the day ahead.

This is especially important if you are in an unequally yoked marriage. You need to lean into the Lord even more to daily make the choice to love your spouse at all times, even when there is no outward reasons to do so. Your spouse does not know the unconditional love of the Lord as you do. They have no example by which to base their love. By getting your strength from the Lord to make the choice to love your spouse you are showing them the Lord's love. Believe me, no matter how much you may think your spouse needs to make some changes and is difficult to love, you are even more so to the Lord. But that does not faze Him at all. He loves you no matter what, with no unrealistic expectations as to who you are.

So this is making me rethink what I expose myself to. It has been obvious to me that pornography is not right in the Lord's eyes and not healthy for my marriage. But now, I'm beginning to see that there are other things that can be just as detrimental to my marriage that I may have been willingly allowing into our home.

We've all heard the saying "You are what you eat". In reality, we are what we allow into our bodies in any way. We are what we eat, what we watch, what we hear, etc. Everything we allow into ourselves leaves a mark on our hearts and minds. What is in our hearts and minds is what is revealed through our fruit, our actions and words. God wants us to be mindful of what we expose ourselves to, not because he is a controlling God who wants to make our lives miserable. It is just the opposite. He wants to protect us from ourselves and the evil that is part of human nature. He wants marriage on this earth to be a reflection of Jesus' future marriage to his Bride, us!