Tormented in Your Righteous Soul?

2 Peter 2 starts off talking about false teachers and their destruction.  It speaks of the righteous and godly who were spared when God's judgment fell on the wicked.  It speaks of Noah being spared when God brought the flood to destroy the world.  It speaks of Lot being spared when the Lord destroyed Sodom and Gomorrah.

While reading this chapter, one verse stuck out and a question whispered through my mind.  Verse 8 says about Lot:

for that righteous man, living among them day after day, was tormented in his righteous soul by the lawless deeds he saw and heard.

The question I keep coming back to is "Am I tormented in my righteous soul by the deeds I see and hear all around me?"

In the past when I saw or heard things that were evil, things that went against God's Truth, I would become indignant.  How could they?  I would speak out at times, other times I would not, but either way I would smolder with righteous anger.

But lately I've noticed that has changed.  As I've prayed for the Lord to give me His Eyes and His Heart for others I've found that while I do still get angry about certain things, I am filled with an even more powerful emotion.  A soul wrenching sadness.  It is as if the Lord has begun to open my eyes to the person beneath it all.  Instead of seeing someone evil and defiant of God, I now more often see the deceived and lost soul underneath - the person who is hiding behind a facade of defiance and self-reliance.  A person just like I used to be and honestly still am at times.

There are times I actually find myself in horrible internal agony for a person, tears and sometimes sobs rise up in me for a particular person and the only relief is for me to pray for that person.

I would not say that I am necessarily in torment all the time regarding the evil around me, but the Lord has begun to transform my heart and open my eyes to how He sees others.  It is amazing and heartbreaking at the same time.

I never would have thought in the past that I would find myself praying for more torment in my soul, but I do find myself desiring this - to more fully understand how God sees and feels for others.  To feel the love He has for them and along with that the sadness that He feels when those He loves dearly choose to turn away from Him.