I've not been posting much lately for a couple of different reasons. First, life has been crazy at work and any time I'm not there I've been concentrating on my family. In regards to my walk with the Lord, I've been going through an interesting journey. The Lord is turning my world upside down and shifting many things that I've always thought to be true. It is very frustrating at times, but also exciting. It is fanning a flame within me to dive deeper into my relationship with the Lord, to get to know him better.
I've had ideas for posts many times over the past few weeks, but have not posted any of them. I'm still sorting through what I'm learning myself in many cases.
With this new found fire, I've been having a desire to fast in order to better understand my Lord. I know people who live a lifestyle of fasting, but it has never made a lot of sense to me. It was something I was interested in, but have not pursued. That is changing now.
I've just finished a study of Song of Solomon. The focus of this study was in regards to Jesus being our Bridegroom and us being the Bride. It concentrated on the depth and nature of the love that Jesus has for us as His Bride and our journey to truely understand and return that love. I've found through this journey that to fully understand the love Jesus/God has for me and to understand his grace, I must start to see the depravity of my own human nature. This is not a "bash myself" kind of thing, but rather a true vision of what/who I am without Him and His Grace.
I've now started studying Daniel. I want to understand how to live for the Lord fully while living in a world that does not. I believe Daniel had this figured out. I want to do this in a way that is not offensive or judgmental towards others who do not believe as I do. I know the Word says God and His Ways will be offensive to the unbeliever. If my living for the Lord is offensive to someone else because of this, that is beyond my control and I'm okay with that. However, I myself don't want to be offensive towards someone because of my pride, etc and therefore become a stumbling block to someone who does not know the Lord because of my attitudes rather than because of their attitudes. Does that make sense?
I was thinking about it this morning and the Lord revealed to me to go back to the book of Esther as well. I read this book many times a few years back as well as a couple of fictionalized versions. I remember at the time comparing it to my own marriage. Esther won the King's heart because she truely cared to learn what pleased him. She was not focused on what she could get from the relationship, as the other girls were. They concentrated on what they thought would attract the king in their opinion. She strove to understand the King and what he desired. I remember thinking that is the way the Lord wants me to love my husband. The problem back then though was I was trying to do that on my own, in my own power. That is not possible.
I now realize that I need to go back and read this again, as this is how I need to understand my King, my Lord Jesus. The more I understand Him and His love for me, the more I will love Him in that way. The more my heart will be in line with His. Once that happens, loving my earthly husband with all my heart, unconditionally will follow.
In addition to that, Esther went through some very lengthy preparations before she was presented to her King. Those preparations are the equivalent to the journey I am on right now. The Lord is preparing me to be presented as a Bride to my King, Jesus. This is exciting! I want to be prepared when I meet Him face to face. I want to be beautiful and pleasing to Him. The way to do this is to allow the Lord to shape me, to prepare me and to focus on getting to know Him better.