My walk with the Lord has become much more intimate in the past months and I believe the enemy is very unhappy with that. So he attacks where he knows it will hurt the most, through my marriage. We've had some pretty rocky times in the past 2 years. Sometimes it is not something we are necessarily going through together. It is something I'm going through and dealing with because of things God has been showing me. My husband in some cases has no idea of the feelings of hopelessness I may be feeling. At other times he may realize I'm upset, but has no idea as to why. Since our views on God and His role in our lives are not the same, I'm not able to even begin to explain to him how I feel or why.
One thing I'm learning is that many times my expectations of my husband are not realistic. Especially considering he does not know the Lord. I struggle in my walk with the Lord and being the person I should be. If I do that while in an intimate relationship with my Lord, how much harder must it be for my beloved when he does not know Jesus?
I've been praying lately for the Lord to show me my husband through His eyes. To enable me to love him the way God does. When we go through things, the Lord is slowly showing me how to react to the situation in a way that shows my husband the love of Christ. Instead of reacting the way I want to (lashing back at him), God is showing me how to love my husband through ALL things. I just have to remember to turn to Him in those times. I still mess up alot, but I'm finding it is getting to be easier for me to go to God instead of being disappointed in my husband for expectations he cannot fulfill.
". . .and if you call out for insight and cry alound for understanding, and if you look for it as for silver and search for it as for silver and search for it as for hidden treasure, then you will understand the fear of the Lord and find the knowledge of God."
The Bible says if we seek out the Lord and his wisdom, He will give it to us. That is what I've been doing lately.
Yesterday I "stumbled" onto a site called Spiritually Unequal Marriage. I believe the Lord led me to this blog for encouragement in my walk with Him, in my marriage and most of all in those times when things seem so dark and hopeless. This blog is definitely being used by the Lord to touch others. Even if you are not in an unequally yoked marriage, you can find inspiriation from this site and I encourage you to visit it.