My attempt going forward on this blog will be to give you the real me - the good, the bad and the ugly. The struggles and the truimphs. Whatever God has for me, I will write about here. I will stop fearing man, and fear my Lord.
With that being said, I've also started journaling again. Awhile back I was in a pretty low place emotionally and spiritually. I finally gave up something I've been struggling and hoping for to the Lord. I mean I really gave it up this time. I prayed for His will to be done - not mine. I prayed that whatever that meant that He would give me the strength to get through it. I prayed for Him to show me who I really am, in all my ugliness. I prayed He would show me clearly the areas I needed to make changes, the things I was doing wrong that had caused me to be where I was. And to reveal to me the things that I needed to take a firm stand on, regardless of what those around me thought.
I had written the words to a Superchick song called Beauty from Pain in my journal during this time and some verses and words which I want to share now. I remember many days on the way to and from work slipping in this CD and turning it up. Playing this song over and over and singing it out with all that I had in me, tears streaming down my face as I drove.
This version I found online is set to some cartoons. I kind of like it, but the video itself is not the point. If you are hurting right now I encourage you to just close your eyes and listen to this song. The words are powerful on their own, but the music along with the words just touches your soul. It is a cry from your heart to the Lord, your Creator - your Redeemer.
At the same time I was going through this a friend gave me these words to a song
"On the solid rock of Jesus I stand - All other ground is just sinking sand"
I went home and wrote them down because they were so powerful to me. A reminder. Then the Lord gave me these two verses -
The king is enthralled by your beauty; honor him, for he is your Lord.
~ Psalm 45:11
I waited patiently for the Lord;
he turned to me and heard my cry.
He lifted me out of the slimy pit,
out of mud and mire;
he set my feet on a rock
and gave me a firm place to stand.
He put a new song in my mouth,
a hymn of praise to our God.
Many will see and fear
and put their trust in the Lord.
~ Psalm 40:1-3